Be comfortable, even in resentment

Expressing resentment was never my cup of tea and I also hated how others disagreed. Disagreement to other’s point of view in team dynamics, generally leads to a play of egos.

Approach that works for me is to find a way out to get along with the colleagues in spite of differences and move on with job at hand. Along the way, I consciously try to see and understand other’s points of view and genuinely try to iron out the differences by moderating my views or by showing others the necessity to reconsider their views, depending on the emerging facts, difficulties and successes.

And I have been successful in my approach to a great extent, but at the same time simply cannot escape from times when I had to openly express resentment to my colleagues and superiors. These are the times when I feel awful, both during and after the act. At the same time I never thought it as a problem – As far as I knew, this is the way people express their disagreement - you cannot be nice and still disagree with others. You have to be offensive in your resentment.

It was during one such act of disagreement over an issue with my leader that I was noticed by a very senior colleague of mine, who had overheard the strife and promptly sent in for me.

In a very straight forward manner he said, “I do not know what the discussion is about, but I must tell you something, you do not have to be rude and aggressive while disagreeing, instead be comfortable in resentment. That will certainly help you in making others comfortable as well and more receptive to your point of view”.

Here was the defining moment, a belief strengthened by my years of on-the-job interactions with insiders and outsiders, that one must be rude and aggressive in disagreement was not only shattered by this gentleman, but also had verbalized my problem: Uncomfortable while resenting.

So learn to be comfortable as you express your disagreement! Your view, after all is just another point of view. Once you gain this capability, your acceptability in teams is bound to surge.